I fell for him.

It was far too good of a day to think about the past, but then the past isn't something I mope over so I thought why not?

It was very high ground for a person who was scared of heights to be standing on. I stood there at the wake of the dawn, trying to face my fears. Even if it was the somersault of early sunrise the warmth seemed to seep within me. The sky was painted in the colours of magic, you name it and the union of colour was present up there. Incandescence had taken over me. I simply stood there with one pale hand over other. I was sure my midnight black eyes had dilated with an unknown lust of its own. My raven hair though in a bun, some notorious flicks had managed to crawl their way out.
          He entered my mind in the amidst of this wonderful chaos, barely a faint memory I witnessed years ago. It was as evergreen as ever though! I pictures his sandy Brown eyes and how once they were so full of life and enthusiasm. I remembered his crazy and carelessly tousled hair and how they never were under his control. How the vibrant dusty colour made presence with his dark chocolate shades of his mane. He had that crooked smile where you'd think that, 'something is wrong with this guy why couldn't he simply smile?' It just made him more goofy.
        The most enchanting thing about him though, wasn't the well built persona he showed off to them guys, it was his secret kindness that fluttered within. His smile always so caring that you could melt chocolate on it. Maybe I exaggerated about him, because I remember Sue from the old town gossiping about how average he is. he wasn't for me, though. He was at that Moment my saviour.
          He warned me not to fall for him, he knew he had his secrets. I told him I had mine, and maybe just maybe we could share them and something mystical may come out.
      But alas! This wasn't some epic love story. We were kids hoping to find lush within the depths of the deserts, we were destined to fail and so we did. What was so memorizing was the journey we shared. In the midst of the arousing confusion we healed, maybe because of ourselves or maybe because of each other. He remained aloof as he was and time finally got us. It pushed us apart and all he remained was a beautiful memory.
          Yes, I remember he told me at the very beginning not to fall for him that all he was for me was a cyclone. But I did, I fell headfirst into the grasps and enjoyed my ruin. And I fell of the boy I thought I knew, for he showed me a world I never imagined. Now he's gone and so are his lively eyes, maybe stolen because of those cities lights that I no longer recognize him anymore.
        As, I stand in the warmth of the glowing sunrise I'll remember his laugh and embrace the warmth and admit it again that, I fell for him despite the fact that he told me not to..

She loved herself

She sat there in her seat that screamed power just like her personality. She had a document in her hand as she scrolled through it without a care in the world. Her hand held an expensive parker as she circled around the mistakes. Her perfectly manicured fingers elegantly kept brushing the hair out of her face that escaped the scrutiny of her loose bun. Her nose crinkled everytime her glasses slipped down her nose.
         She sighed every 10 minutes and cracked her neck while glancing at her empty Starbucks cup. Finally, with determination she stood up and walked away from her cabin. Her 5 inchers clacked against the marble flooring as her walked towards the break room. Her expensive black suit was now unbuttoned fashionably and her short skirt was crinkled ever since she returned from our sister magazines CEO's room.
                     My colleagues kept throwing her hateful glances as she walked by, whispering words like 'slut' and 'bitch' not audible to anyone's listening. She just smirked listening those inaudible gasps and adjusted her collar to show off the shadow of the bruising on her neck. Maybe the hushed whispers were heard because of some guy who couldn't have her or some woman who didn't have it in her to make the thoughts of her imagination of her reality and she knew that. She knew her reality and she hid her story well. Her scars were her pride she wore them like a tattoo.
                   There was something about her walk though, it exuded confidence. She was no size 2 but her body was the least of your concerns when she started talking. Beware to those who wish upon a conversation which would ultimately leave them bewitched. Such was her charm, she could leave you completely rattled and unveiled. Such was her laugh that no man could deny her, but she belonged to no man either.
            Maybe it was the fact that she belonged to no man but herself that made her so iridescent. She loved herself in way I couldn't even begin to fathom. Maybe that was her secret she loved herself the way no one else ever could.

For a moment.

As a second year arts student, I experienced many stories. My subjects as such were beautiful, they were meant to tell stories. Stories that inspire, stories that tell us about the past, stories that explain reason, stories that make us cry and stories that make us learn. I've always thought of them as beautiful. No other word in my mind can otherwise take it's place.
         These stories always collided with each other. History for example for me, always mingled with literature. The literature explained me of the lost souls or the generation of them while telling me their past. It intrigued me, honestly. IT did. The words in the books flowed like a river full of fresh water. Their words on the page, not stuck to the paper with ink but running wild in my mind.
         It wasn't just history that collided with literature, it was vice versa. As I read the world war and how all the alliances were formed, I imagined the writers pouring their hearts out in the only way they knew was relief for them. I imagined how all the small wars happened, and in my mind it was one dimensional. It was as simple as France joined with England or how outbreak of Austria with Serbia just cracked the deal or how Hitler just hated the Jews. There, simple to say. It was. I remember reading it a million times, i remember writing it, I remember summarizing it and I remember how I formed notes just in the hopes that i would get a good grade. It was as simple as that for me. Yes, it was. Until a moment came where it wasn't.
         It wasn't some pivotal moment where my life changed and someone made some  radical change. No, it really wasn't. IT was quite normal I suppose. I was sitting the same place I always sat, with the same books I read, the same information I was supposed to read for my exams when my mind stilled. I read about the same war, the alliances were still the same so were the actions, except this time I wasn't.
         As I read it again, I realized how much of pain they carried. I only read who came out victorious and how many casualties would have occurred. And I cried that moment, not the pretty tears but an ugly sob that wrecked a havoc. I did not see the casualties just that or the people of lost generation as just someone affected by something. Each one of them had a life just like me, they must have had families, they must have had their love story, their promises. How none of them could have the life they once imagined, how families must have been broken, how some of them must have died despite of being alive, how 2 people could never love again, how the soldiers never stood a chance to go back and how horrid it must have ll been. In a struggle for power defined by mere geographical boundaries they lost it all, all their stories remained incomplete. And those who experienced it all, lost themselves forever.
       It was that moment when the severity of those words haunted me. I felt lucky to here and safe but in m y mind I imagined innocent souls going away in a swap due to chemicals produced by us. It was that moment, I knew what exactly people meant by humanity with us and how we are destroying it ourselves.
       Yes, the words in my book were simple a I always thought they were. The pain in it was real. The pain I never experienced even though the words demanded me too. The stories were real and so were the people which was something I never reckoned but they were.I think it is hard to imagine them as real, because if every moment we live we realize the amount of pain the world has, none of us would be able to survive.
      So, I cried my heart out. I did, until the gaping hole in my heart felt a little less sore. IT would take time to see things as they were, which right now I think were unreal, but I was glad to be awake. Even if it was for a moment.

Bad days?

So hey, I know it's a very common occurrence, we all have those really bad days where you come home with a frown and you just want the whole world to burn and die.(just kidding - not) Well I don't think they are exactly that bad. I mean in those terrible, horrible, not good and very bad days we just get all our frustrations out. You scream and cry, you're absolutely bonkers and you are simply angry. So I believe it works out like a therapy sometimes?

 The issue though is not those really terrible days, the problem especially with me is those days where i'm simply frustrated. The day wasn't so bad, nothing extra ordinarily bad happens it's just that it was an okay day. Maybe because I was hoping for something great to come out of it or maybe because I just had a random mood swing. The thing though is that feeling you get? How do I say it? IT's that feeling when you feel that you are nothing but ordinary and all the damned unanswerable questions start piling in along with the burden of my insecurities. I don't know if this is something you experience or not. For some really selfish reason I really wish you do! Now I do not wish any foul on you but it feels good to know that you aren't alone out there. Most of the times even standing in am entire group of people you can feel that so I give myself the tiniest bit of freedom to indulge in thinking maybe someone feels exactly like I do maybe!

So to this very vague rant that I am writing does have some backstory. So imagine you had a choice- one is where you where you were presented with an amazing opportunity to show off your talent, take a bit of responsibility and socialize to the fullest and the other was to give it up and take something more mature. (hate that word to my core) Anyway the conflict is that you've to make a difficult decision and let go of the fun part sometimes and take up the mature one. But isn't it obvious that you'd be upset over the choice at least for a little while? Wouldn't you crib too? Or am I just going nuts? I am hope you'd be upset too, because that is the only sort of natural reaction I know. So when I expressed this to 2 of my mates, whom I generally choose to hang out with. One of them as usual was lost in some world ( Yup, zoning out does happen quite often) and chose not to reply or didn't care about it I guess. The other one flat out cut me off saying you made a choice so stop whining, it isn't a big deal. Except in that very moment it is, Isn't it? She said the normal reaction is to get over it and never complain. I do agree to that but as a human don't we have limitations? I kept quiet the rest of the way. So that was when the domino started falling and the day ended up just being disappointing.

 Anyway, what do you think is normal for you? That is if you ever did come across such situation? Okay, I'm done. So Bye!!

HI!

Hello!

Now that you've visited my page, I would love to introduce myself and tell you a little something about me.

My name is Mihika Kulkarni, I started writing when I was 12 years old and I am at present a bombastic 21 year old. I am, however, new to blogging, but I wanted to give it a shot.

What can you expect from me?

I'm no Hemingway but I do write short stories, articles and poems. I usually prefer philosophy and fiction as my poison of choice. So, you'd probably find essays or articles or sometimes (not too often) ramblings and some excerpts as well as poems here.

Who am I?

I'm an Indian girl who has just graduated in Psychology and English Lit. I am pursuing further education in Psychology itself. I do plan to eventually e a therapist. Apart from that, I'm an extrovert to it's true sense, I like travelling, observing and writing. I'm overly passionate and sometimes severely degenerate but mostly just alright. I'm a huge believer in love and positive vibes, no gate just peace yo!

I hope this little introduction brings me a step closer to us being friends or at least like minded individuals who would like to share their journeys with each other.

I'll see you beautiful people soon until then keep reading and keep smiling.

Miksy xoxo